Home is where everyone describes a warm and understanding feeling exist.
But it's not so for me.
I hate it.
I'm tired out from rushing all my coursework and projects and researching.
I don't get enough sleep.
My weight has went down significantly.
I'm struggling to float despite the weight pulling me downwards 24/7.
But she's not helping me.
In fact, all she ever does is nag at me, scream and find faults with me.
She even said I was using my final year project as an excuse of not spending time with the family.
You might be wondering why don't I explain to her my situation.
I tried, but it never works once.
She simply assumes that I am not as busy as I am.
She just wants things going smoothly in her own way.
And I'm her eyesore because I am always her "smooth-going obstacle".


She has been comparing my elder brother with me since young.
"Your gor gor ar, very smart, PLSE maths got A*, aggregate 247, get into 2nd choice: Nan Hua Secondary School."
"Your gor gor's O-Levels L1R5 got 10 points, get into SAJC."
"Your gor gor's A-Levels get 2As 1B."


"You ar, PSLE maths C. Cane and force you to practise Maths everyday, buy so many assessment books for you, still get a C out. Aggregrate 201. Just managed to scrap into express stream of Outram Secondary School, your last choice."
"Your O-Levels L1R5 15 points, go into 18th choice, SRJC. Sounds the same, but difference of A and J."
"Your A-Levels cannot even get into university, still need to retake again. You don't study lar! Only waste our money. Just go out and work."
"Huh? 2nd time retake A-Levels only get 1 A and 2Cs? Go into common engineering only. Your gor gor went into Computer Engineering."


And now that her Glorious Son, graduated without even an Merit, just a graduate with a Pass,
she now begins to find fault at me.
"Wahhhh.... someone so rich liao hor. Always get bursaries. From NTU, from AUPE, from A-Z organizations. Don't even give your parents money."
Bitch.
When I don't have enough money to eat, I had to dig into my savings.
Sometimes, I even have to go without meals.


My brother is staying in a room twice the size of mine.
He has a working aircon.
He doesn't have to sleep under clothes and undergarments hanging over his head, unlike me.
Why the different treatment?


I used to pressure myself to do better than my brother so as to win a praise of a word or two from her.
But reality hit me when I am in university.

Sometimes, her unreasonableness frustrates me to such an extent, I feel like slapping her to shut up.
Naturally I didn't.
Coz she's my mom.
And I don't want to be labelled as an unfilial kid.
But I'm reaching my limits soon.